Returned from Lincolnshire


We’ve had a lovely weekend with our friends, Adam and Sadie and their two young lads, Dylan and Fergus, at their home in Lincolnshire – but we look, MIllie and I, more like we spent a week in Iraq!

I’ve got a nasty gash on my head from not looking where I was going whilst playing Hide And Seek with Dylan, and MIllie…well.

Lincolnshire.pngIt was pretty damned windy up in Lincolnshire, but we had a lovely country walk on the Sunday morning – seeing a bit of nature, some sheep, some geese, some, er, trains, and whatnot.  I picked a thistle for Millie, which she was fascinated by and didn’t even try to eat (fortunately).  But it all went a bit pear-shaped just as we we got back into Adam and Sadie’s street and MIllie dropped her thistle.  I was going to let it go at first, but Millie kicked up a bit of a stink, so I nipped into the road to get it back.

Four or five, seconds I took – maybe not even that – and when I looked round it was to see Millie’s pushchair being blown upside-goddamn-down by the wind!  Honestly, you wouldn’t have believed it. I almost didn’t.

I had it back upright in two seconds flat, and the Lovely Melanie whipped a screaming Millie out of the seat even quicker to check she was OK.  Fortunately she was mostly OK, but she had a bright red graze down one side of her face and was obviously a bit traumatised by the whole business.  As who wouldn’t be, eh?

Still, we had a really nice weekend in Lincolnshire, especially Millie, who couldn’t get enough of three-year-old Dylan – she followed him round, laughing and screeching at everything he did, and actually trying to play with him.  As for bathtime…putting three small naked children together was absolute giggling mayhem before they even got into the water!

We’re staying at the Peak District with some other friends over Easter, and their children are all slightly older than MIllie, so it’ll be interesting to see how she gets on with them, too.

In other big news, we’re planning to move again.  Not far from where we live now, but to a bigger place; and not a flat either – this time we’re reaching for the skies and aiming for a proper house.

There are various reasons for this: our current flat is OK, but it’s a bit small (especially if there were ever to be four of us…), and while our upstairs neighbours are really nice, they can be a bit , ahem, boisterous at times.

The main reason for me though is that the place is just a bit…I was going to say ‘shoddy’, but that’s the wrong word.  It’s more that the people who owned it before us were moronic vandals with no DIY-sense whatsoever.

Really – absolutely none.  If anything they were some kind of negative-DIYers, doing the polar opposite of what you should do.  Trained squirrels could have done a better job.

Dead trained squirrels could have done better.

And this is from someone who can barely wire a plug, let alone put up a shelf straight.

However, I know enough not to, say, paint over an entire window frame while the window is shut or over the bolt on the front door.  Fitting doors two inches shorter than the door frame?  My guess would be not to do that.  What about wiring ceiling lights onto a wall so that they stick out an inch?  Again, probably a no-no.

Then, of course, there’s their piece de resistance – trying to cover up a two-foot tall hole in the outside wall with a couple of pieces of MDF.

Yes or no – what do you think?

If you were being generous you’d say that they were just completely and utterly incompetent.

If you’d just found another set of shelves nailed up then you’d be more likely to say they didn’t give a toss, and were lazy, incompetent chancers who’ll be first up against the wall when the revolution comes.

So we’re throwing in the towel.  Rather than try to fix a never-ending list of annoying little problems in a flat that we’ve never really fallen in love with, we’re going to move somewhere else.

And this time – you better believe it – we’re going to be the nit-picking buyers from hell. One single creaking floorboard and we’re walking away.  A small shelf at the back of a cupboard not level to within five decimal places?  See ya.  Front lawn not well manicured enough to play professional level bowls on?  You should be ashamed…

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