Busy day at work today, and all the better for that. It’s been so long so I had a busy day that I’d forgotten the sense of achievement you can get from one; that it isn’t all about coming home on the tube feeling weary and ready for bed, that sometimes, when you’ve been busy successfully busy, been challenged and met that challenge it can energise you, cheer you – even make you ready for more.
This is really bringing it home to me how much three months of unemployment – no matter how much I tried to keep myself busy and cheerful – had slowly and surely been bringing me down. And not even depressed-down, rather just lacking in spirit, lacking in any sort of enthusiasm. It’s surprising how important a challenge would seem to be for a healthy mind. Before going back to work I thought I would resent the loss of all the free-time I’d enjoyed – much as before having children the thought of being poorer and simultaneously more responsible seemed like a terrible price to pay.
Expectation can be a terrible trickster.
It strikes me that we’ve been terribly lucky in only being brought up to speed quite slowly as regards work and the school run. My new job started on a Thursday when the Lovely Melanie is at home so I didn’t have to cope with a new job and the school run. This week it’s half-term so although the Lovely Melanie is back at work I’ve only got Amber to get to nursery (Millie is away at Grandma and Grandad’s in Hatfield until Wednesday). So only next Monday will I have to cope with a full-blown school run and then getting to work on time.
It’s one of the things that has been worrying me a little because my new job involves not only a train into town but a bit of tube travel, too – again, something I’m completely out of practice with. This week gives me a chance to try out some different routes and schedules in relative safety before having to do it for real next Monday. Just as well, too, since the ones I’ve tried so far have been taking considerably longer than expected.
And speaking of the school run, poor Amber did her level best to break my heart at nursery this morning. 😦
She’s been a bit funny for a week or two now: very timid, very easily upset or frightened – terrified even – and we don’t know why. But being dropped off at nursery has been particularly upsetting her, to the point where this morning she was clinging onto me, sobbing and wailing “Don’t go, Daddy! Don’t go, Daddy!” which as any parent will tell you is emotional blackmail of the very highest order. 😦
The last couple of weeks she’s gone quiet when we get off the bus in the morning; she’ll sit in her buggy, staring at the floor and sucking her thumb for the couple of minutes it takes to walk there, and once we reach the cloakroom her bottom lip will be starting to wobble bravely. By the time we go in it’s usually progressed to tears and full-blown hysteria.
And, as I say, it’s inexplicable. The only explanation we have is related to the episodes a few weeks ago where she kept getting sent home with a temperature. That’s all been sorted out with antibiotics, but we think that maybe perhaps possibly she’s gotten a bit of a complex about nursery.
Not so much of a complex that she isn’t perfectly happy within a few minutes of me having gone, however.