I had to resort to a weird stream-of-consciousness rant to get Amber to do what she was told this morning.
Both girls have of late developed a slight tendency to ignore given instructions, with the result that trying to do the simplest things can take bloody ages. Both of them do this, but Amber is currently the worst offender.
So, this morning, I was trying to get her to put some trousers on. We began with me simply asking her nicely to put some trousers on while I had a shave.
When I poked my head round her door she’d progressed to choosing a skirt.
It was a frosty morning so I explained that she needed to wear trousers and went to have a shower.
When I climbed out of the shower she was sat on the floor looking at a different skirt.
I explained again that it was cold and that trousers were required, then went to get myself dressed (stopping only to check Millie was getting dressed – she was, albeit slowly).
Now dressed, I checked again on Amber, who was considering a pair of tights.
At this point I lost my rag a bit and went into stream-of-consciousness discipline mode.
ME: Put. Your. Trousers. On. Trousers On! Trouers trousers trousers trousers trousers! Trousers on! Trousers on now!
ME: TROUSERS! Trousers now! Trousers on! On trousers! Trousers on you now! TROUSERS TROUSERS TROUSERS!
ME: TROUSERS ON NOW! ON NOW TROUSERS NOW ON NOW TROUSERS NOW TROUSERS ON TROUSERS NOW!
ME: TROUSERS TROUSERS TROUSERS TROUSERS TROUSERS TROUSERS TROUSERS TROUSERS! PUT YOUR TROUSERS ON YOUR LEGS NOW! TROUSERS ON LEGS! TROUSERS LEGS ON! PUT TROUSERS ON LEGS NOW TROUSERS AMBER LEGS ON TROUSERS LEGS NOW ON AMBER!!!
James Joyce might have been proud. Or not. Anyway, it worked.