A week. And frustration.

A whole week and no post on this blog.  What on earth is going on here – this has never happened before. 😦

There are a number of factors to blame: a friend at work pointed out that since I write for a living now coming home at the end of the day and writing some more just doesn’t appeal as much as it did before.  And although he was talking about programming it’s just as true for writing.

Also, I’ve got another new phone which has had me spellbound.  And yes, it’s only six months since the last new phone so, yes, I do at least have the decency to be slightly embarrassed by this and have sworn not to buy another for a whole year (unless I lose or break this one).

The new phone is a Samsung Galaxy S2.  It is brilliant – not least in speed of connection (it’s HSDPA, which I thought was another fancy name for 3G, but apparently isn’t – it’s much better!)

Next, we’ve just got back from Bristol today, where we’ve been to stay with Conny for a few days.  It was wonderful to see Conny again, and great to be back in Bristol – even if the girls were only there for a little while – they went to stay in Swindon with my parents and for various reasons ended up staying there most of the weekend.  That meant we could spend some much-needed time with Conny and just relax and hang out and talk a bit more about how Trev’s loss continues to affect everybody.

The girls were only supposed to be in Swindon for one night originally but ended staying there both nights.  The Lovely Melanie pulled a muscle in her neck while travelling down there on the train and Conny had a dose of flu so in the end we did very very little – which was just fine by me, quite frankly.  It’s rare that we get a Sunday to ourselves just watching TV and reading the paper from cover to cover, but that’s what we got this weekend. 🙂

I had been worried that it might be strange being at Trev and Conny’s house with no Trev.  Fortunately it wasn’t strange at all.  Today, Bank Holiday Monday, Conny drove us back to Swindon to pick up the girls and all of us went to Trev’s grave – including Millie and Amber.  That was rather difficult for me, it must be said.  I couldn’t tell you why if I tried – it was just really really hard for me in a way that being in Trev’s home wasn’t.

Here’s the thing I keep doing at the moment: whenever someone famous dies now I imagine myself going back in time to somehow warn Trev of what’s going to happen but without giving him the exact date or circumstances of his death; instead I have to resort to saying cryptic things like: “You die before Elizabeth Taylor or Gil Scott-Heron, but you outlive Michael Jackson.

Is that a little bit weird?  It’s part of the game of imagining going back in time and if not actually stopping his death then at least giving him an inkling of how long he has to live.

A bit weird, as I say, but basically harmless.

Another thing I’ve realised recently when a bit upset about his death – and perhaps not unrelated to the above mind game – is that I’m thankfully still not angry or even a little bit cross about his death.  I realised that the main emotion I feel about it at the moment is frustration.  There isn’t anger in me that he’s gone because it isn’t anybody’s fault.  There’s just a frustration that he’s gone so soon, that it doesn’t seem right and I can’t do anything to make it right.

And that’s…frustrating!!

I initially thought “annoyed” might be the right word, but having thought about this it’s dawned upon me that it’s frustration.  Just frustration.

Anyway, we’re back home from Bristol now and despite our careless weekend I am shattered.  It’s half-term now so Millie is staying with her Grandma and Granddad in Hatfield until Thursday which means an easy week in terms of getting children to school and nursery as there’s only Amber to get to nursery and myself to get to school – which is a doddle!

And here’s a little bit of video of the girls playing at the swings this weekend – including a Millie somersault!  This video was taken with my new phone and is supposed to be HD so let’s see what it looks like, shall we?  Oh, and both the photos on this page are taken with my phone, too.

++UPDATE++ That’s not HD!  I’ve just found the setting on the phone which lets you select HD, so future clips will be in HD.  Probably.

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