Dismal


It’s Friday.  I’m so glad it’s Friday.  It’s been a pretty dismal week.  I think I finally understand what people are talking about when they talk about depression, as opposed to “being a bit sad”.

I’ve been liable to snap at the slightest thing – almost shouted at strangers in the street for no other reason than they’re walking a bit slowly, which is so unlike myself it scared me.

The frightening thing is that this attitude just runs away with itself.  No sooner do I say to myself “Whoa, calm down there, lad,” than my imagination is coming up with something else that gets me cross.  Wednesday night I barely spoke to the Lovely Melanie for fear of saying something spiteful or vicious – deliberately barely spoke.

Last night was better, but not by a great deal; and let’s not even talk about what a struggle it’s been getting motivated to even turn up for work…

I’ve been in touch with CRUSE but they sat there’s a long waiting list, and I’ve booked an appointment to see my GP next Friday (the first appointment they had that I wouldn’t need time off work for) to talk about getting counselling or any other avenues.

Lots of other friends on Facebook have been very supportive, and a few people on there who’ve been through similar experiences have been wonderfully helpful – reassuring me that anger and depression are far from uncommon side-effects of grief once the initial shock has subsided.

If anyone ever asks you what the point is of Facebook then just send them my way…

But I’m hoping that a couple of hours in the actual physical presence of some good friends at the pub tonight will help kickstart me out of this hole.

Because I really don’t like it down here. 😦

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3 thoughts on “Dismal

  1. Melanie July 8, 2011 / 9:57 am

    Hey … I just came across your blog via tag surfer, and so far this first one is the only one I have read. I’ll take a little look around shortly, but wanted to say ‘nice one’ for getting on it straight away … depression can be a slippery slope. In the mean time, before you start to get help, change your routine, get excercise, eat differently – it will change your mood. I was going through a bad time a few months ago, started having panic attacks, going to the gym after work (which i hadn’t done in years) was like taking happy pills, instant relief and the hunched shoulders began to lower. Take care, dude!

  2. StuPC July 8, 2011 / 10:11 am

    Hey, thanks for the advice, Mel. I think changing routine might well help. Unfortunately it’s not *quite* as easy as that – with two small children and a 9-5 job there’s not a lot of wriggle room for change!
    But, yeah, maybe I need to discuss with the wife about us doing things differently…
    Glad to hear you managed to “fix” your depression. I’m going to go off and read your blog for a bit now, get some tips…

  3. Melanie July 8, 2011 / 11:59 am

    I know … i know that changing things can seem like a mountain to climb when your life is full already, start small – change what you have for breakfast, take the family out for a walk in the evening …
    BTW, your wee family is gorgeous!
    Dont’ take too many tips from my blog, it’s mostly just full of shit.

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