It’s Friday. I’m so glad it’s Friday. It’s been a pretty dismal week. I think I finally understand what people are talking about when they talk about depression, as opposed to “being a bit sad”.
I’ve been liable to snap at the slightest thing – almost shouted at strangers in the street for no other reason than they’re walking a bit slowly, which is so unlike myself it scared me.
The frightening thing is that this attitude just runs away with itself. No sooner do I say to myself “Whoa, calm down there, lad,” than my imagination is coming up with something else that gets me cross. Wednesday night I barely spoke to the Lovely Melanie for fear of saying something spiteful or vicious – deliberately barely spoke.
Last night was better, but not by a great deal; and let’s not even talk about what a struggle it’s been getting motivated to even turn up for work…
I’ve been in touch with CRUSE but they sat there’s a long waiting list, and I’ve booked an appointment to see my GP next Friday (the first appointment they had that I wouldn’t need time off work for) to talk about getting counselling or any other avenues.
Lots of other friends on Facebook have been very supportive, and a few people on there who’ve been through similar experiences have been wonderfully helpful – reassuring me that anger and depression are far from uncommon side-effects of grief once the initial shock has subsided.
If anyone ever asks you what the point is of Facebook then just send them my way…
But I’m hoping that a couple of hours in the actual physical presence of some good friends at the pub tonight will help kickstart me out of this hole.
Because I really don’t like it down here. 😦