Having been on anti-depressants for just over a week now, and having never been on them before, I thought I ought to make a post about their effects.
In a word: magical.
Seriously. Having never taken them before – never having felt I was the kind of person who might need to – the difference they’ve made already is remarkable.
I still get angry, I still get sad, but it feels as though I’ve got my sense of perspective back on things. I’m no longer eaten up with rage at the drop of a hat, no longer shouting at the girls for silly things – hell, I’ve even begun to start planning stuff to do for my 40th birthday in January!
I don’t feel artificially happy or zombie-like or otherwise “drugged” – rather, my background level of happiness has been moved up a notch, back towards its normal level.
And as I say, it doesn’t stop me getting sad. Trev has been on my mind quite a lot this week and I’ve been missing him. Christmas is on its way and when buying presents previously he was always the one it was most fun to buy for, because I’d simply buy something that I thought was cool. And there are still plenty of things online and in catalogues that I think “Yeah, that would have been good for Trev.“
So that’s hurting this week, but with the anti-depressants I can get through it, can function. And that’s the biggest relief of all: being able to function properly again, get on with life – which is what Trev would have wanted all of us to do.
Friday night we’re spending at my parents – it’s a late night for the girls, but they’ll have precious little opportunity for rest (like they ever “rest” at Nanny & Grampy’s house!) because we have to drive to Bristol before Saturday lunchtime (in my parents’ car).