I’ve booked another appointment to see my GP about getting help for my…well, at the moment I’d definitely call it depression.  It’s not just being “a bit down” or “quite sad” – I’ve been both of those before, but this is nothing like that.

This swings wildly from, as I described it last night, just not giving a damn about stuff, to this morning, where I felt crushed and trapped and angry.  It’s horrible and it’s scary.

The only thing that seems to help at all is imagining Trev being there alongside me, dispensing a little bit of calm wisdom (or sarcasm) – and even he couldn’t very much help this morning as a deeply unhelpful voice in my head insisted on pointing out that “He’s dead.  He can’t help you.”

The doctor’s appointment is in two weeks.  Hopefully I won’t get fobbed off with the telephone number for a bereavement charity, like I did last time.


One comment

  1. To have people tell you “you are coping so well with this” I’m sure, just induces a “F*** off, no i’m not, stop belittling the way I’m feeling” reaction inside you … however, try to convince yourself that you are, and give yourself credit due.

    A friend of mine lost her brother a few years ago, and in the aftermath, following the severe intense grief, she was panicked at the irrationality of the thoughts that were filling her head all the time. Well, I think the fact that she labeled those thoughts irrational gave her the go ahead to think and feel them, and work through them. It’s when you can’t label the way you feel that you have to worry. Keep going. Think of it as a bloody long motorway you have to drive – keep your foot on the accelerator, keep your attention on the road, and stop for rest breaks. You will reach your destination safely.

    Don’t take any of your GP’s shite 😉

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