A turning point


Found myself spontaneously breaking into a grin as I walked to work this morning – it has, sadly, been a while since that last happened.

But it’s progress, and progress helped significantly by a visit to my GP last night to discuss what’s been happening to me of late.

The headlines on that front are the anti-depressants he prescribed me, as expected.

The backstory is that, well, two things really.

One.  He was a really good GP – a credit to the NHS.  We chatted about why I’d been so down and how I’d been trying to help myself.  He was polite, attentive and sympathetic, didn’t rush me and made the decision to go with a small dose of anti-depressants only after being pretty sure that they seemed an appropriate response in this case.

Two.  I haven’t started taking the anti-depressants yet but already feel a weight lifted off my shoulders because action is being taken.  Before this I was floundering, unsure what to do, where to look for a solution, and – worse still – aware that this problem was being left unaddressed and was likely to get worse.

I love solving problems – am seldom happier or more creative than when struggling to get to grips with a question or figuring out the best way to reach a goal.

It mostly doesn’t matter what the goal is, so long as I’m interested in the method and care about the outcome.  In fact it’s noticeable that my favourite jobs in the past – the ones where I’ve both enjoyed myself and done some good work – have been those where the company did something that (IMHO) was worthwhile, and where I felt responsible for a part of that something.  Which is also why I currently volunteer for BLISS and used to teach at a Saturday School in Peckham – to help people.

Where was I?  Ah, yes – my own personal problems.

Simply beginning to address the problem of my own emotional state has given me a big lift.  Knowing that there’s something that can be done about it, that I now have a plan – that I’m not powerless – has already helped bring that unexpected smile to my face this morning. 🙂

This morning feels like a small turning point, as though the fightback has begun.

And even though the “Battle of Trev’s Death” is (like the War on Terror) a war that cannot be won, it’s also a battle that I can’t afford to lose.

++UPDATE++

Four hours at work and idealistic thoughts of “a small turning point” have faded, I’m afraid.  Faded but not gone completely – I am still trying very very very hard to stay calm.  But I assume that’s what the anti-depressants will help with…

In the meantime: deep breaths, cup of tea, remember that this too will pass, etc.

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4 thoughts on “A turning point

  1. SWBVR November 17, 2011 / 12:54 pm

    EXCELLENT … and then .. ooh no.
    But yes … going in the right direction is the best way out of it. And the anti-depressants will just be there to be the lift when ordinarily you might not have been able to lift yourself? I dunno, I’m not a doctor. Glad you have a good GP 🙂

  2. StuPC November 17, 2011 / 1:03 pm

    That’s the hope, Mel. Ordinarily I could boost myself out of a bad mood (I’m quite a cheerful, happy-go-lucky soul before) but hopefully yeah, just a finger on the scales to tip me over towards happiness rather than being stuck at the bottom.

    And in my memory that GP has a little glow around him now… 🙂

  3. Sarah November 17, 2011 / 2:59 pm

    Hello StuPC! I came here from SWBVR. 🙂 Does NHS stand for national health service? My GP, which I acquired through private health care since we don’t (yet – here’s hoping) have the public variety in the US is absolutely awful.

    Your comments on working for companies that do good are spot-on. I am always happiest when the work I am doing is beneficial to the human race – I don’t think that’s unusual in the least, it just means you’re a good person!

    • StuPC November 17, 2011 / 3:09 pm

      Hi Sarah – I didn’t realise you weren’t British until you mentioned 401k on your blog! Ahh, the global language of blogging, eh?
      Yes, NHS stands for National Health Service, probably the greatest British invention ever (and we take credit for quite a lot of good inventions over here!)

      Really like your your blog, by the way – very well written to draw people in and engage interest…

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