The case of the wayward lorry…

ME: Hello, Geek Squad person.  I have come to collect my phone, which I gave you to repair last week.  You may recall you have sent me two text messages this morning telling me that it was ready to collect.

GEEK: Thank you for that brief recap of the story so far, sir.  I shall see if I can locate your phone forthwith.

ME: Excellent!

[Time passes…]

GEEK: Ah, sir, there appears to be a small problem.

ME: I do hope not!  What sort of problem?

GEEK: We are presently unable to find your phone.

ME: What?!  By Toutatis!  How can this be – you texted to say it’s in the store awaiting my arrival!

GEEK: Er, yes, but, er, well, that’s a computer that sends those message, sir.  In actual fact, your phone is not in the store awaiting your arrival.  Sorry.

ME: Not in the store?!  By Swindon, this is a rum do and no mistake!  Where is my phone, then?

GEEK: We don’t know.

ME: You don’t know?

GEEK: No.  It was supposed to be delivered on the lorry today but it never turned up.

ME: My phone never turned up?!

GEEK: No, the lorry never turned up, sir.  There’s a whole load of phones gone missing.  Customers is most un’appy, sir.

ME: I see.  Well, when is this lorry likely to become unlost?

GEEK: We are looking for it now, sir.  If we can’t find it in the next three days we’ll replace your phone for you.

ME: Damn your eyes, man, I should bally well hope so!  Losing a whole lorry – I’ve never heard anything like it!

GEEK: It has happened a few times recently, sir.  It’s most regrettable.

ME: Not as regrettable as this bloody Nokia Mark 1 you’ve given me which keeps switching off in the middle of important phone calls!



  1. A lorry with our car went AWOL. I once saw an IBM advert for how they have technology in trucks that can tell the level of freshness of carrots as it gets transported to final destination. No bloody point if they lose the lorry eh.

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