Some helpful advice for commuters…

If a train you are travelling home on has experienced engineering problems, inconveniently forcing you and your fellow commuters out at the next station, here are some helpful tips on how to handle the situation.

  • Upon disembarking from the train it is most important that you IMMEDIATELY inform your loved ones of the delay.  As you text or phone them bear in mind that a strong mobile signal is best ensured by standing still in the middle of a busy platform.  Other commuters attempting to leave the train are certain to admire your diligence.
  • Once off the train, speed is of the essence.  Even the smallest saving of time may be vital, so always attempt to push, slide or otherwise inveigle your way past the individual in front of you.  When in a large crowd that offers no obvious exit point this individual may be delaying your departure by entire seconds.
  • Upon arrival at the platform where the next convenient train is due always remain near the stairway.  By forming a tightly-packed swarm of bodies at the base of the stairway you’ll stop dangerous overcrowding on the next train.
  • Similarly, if the platform remains crowded, always seek safety in numbers.  Although the end of the platform may appear to offer more space it’s a well-known fact that the carriages at either end of a train are the least survivable areas if a crash should occur.
  • And finally, everyone loves a bit of banter, so why not lighten a difficult situation by engaging in a loud debate with your fellow passengers about the amount of space they’re occupying?


  1. So it’s YOU!? You’re the leader? You should be tried for your crimes of inciting ignorance among the masses. Your campaign clearly works and should be used for the greater good.

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