Things have been – mentally – pretty good for me for a while now. The thyroid tablets have helped a lot and I’ve almost stopped taking the anti-depressants completely. Whilst I still miss Trev, still think of him every day, life had felt as though it was getting close to normal once again. I could handle it now – time really is a great healer.
But my emotional state seems to be still a bit unstable – still vulnerable to upsets and inexplicable storms.
Yesterday, a case in point, came out of nowhere; like a smack in the face with the misery stick.
An entire day spent feeling miserable, useless, paranoid, and completely uncaring; to the point where I just wanted to avoid everyone, run out of work, get home and hide under the blankets. Forever.
This morning, even after a good night’s sleep, I was still short-tempered with the girls and really tempted to phone in sick to work.
Fortunately, I didn’t, and fortunately I can put on a good (if very quiet) face, so no one even realised how bad yesterday was for me.
And fortunately, work seems to have helped calm me down and get things back on an even keel – which is bizarre, because I could have sworn yesterday work was part of the problem, rather than part of the cure.
I promise to stop saying “fortunately” now.
However, let’s hope yesterday isn’t going to be a regular fixture…