“Oh, jeez, not another post about his bad moods. I might skip this one.”
Yeah, feel free; I don’t particularly like writing about my moods, definitely don’t enjoy having them, and am mostly documenting them to try and explain to the girls in future years why I was sometimes such a miserable crap dad.
Sorry, girls. In my defence, it’s not easy managing your own moods. In many ways, you’re your own worst enemy – the person least equipped to do something about it – but I’m trying as hard as I can.
There are two hurdles to overcome:
- You have to be aware of how unpleasant you’re being to people
- You have to make the effort to care (it’s far far too easy to think “sod it”)
Fortunately, I’ve got an understanding and caring wife who will tell me in no uncertain terms if I’m doing 1, and do so in a way guaranteed to ensure 2.
Last weekend I was a bloody nightmare. I woke Saturday morning with a sinking feeling of “Well, nothing to look forward to this weekend.” Not angry or shouting (well, not much) but deeply intolerant, impatient, and viciously sarcastic. Basically, a bit of a bastard.
So I would like apologise to my wife and children. Having a go at you for the slightest silly mistake isn’t helping anyone, in fact, as the Lovely Melanie pointed out, this is quite obviously where Millie is getting her occasionally acid tongue.
Yeah, that brought it home. Do I want two children who think it’s OK to talk to other people like dirt?
No. No, I do not.
So keep on telling me if I’m being unpleasant. Don’t let me get away with it. Point out the consequences of my crappy temper and nasty retorts.
Because when I’m a little bit nicer and more rational, I do take your advice on board.
And believe me, I am ashamed of myself.
Is it something to do with Trev’s death? Very probably.
Would I be like this if Trev was still here? I doubt it.
There’s a slightly morbid part of me that’s fascinated to discover how hard it is to get over his death, get through it carry on as before – and refuses to recognise that there is no getting “past” this or “through” it.
You’re going to be dealing with it every day…forever, basically. Things never go back to how they were.