How not to break important news


My entire department at work was suddenly called into a meeting this morning by my boss’s boss.

That’s seldom a good thing, but no one knew what was going on.

It took a while for us to find out from her…

MY BOSS’S BOSS: Well, thank you for coming in.  I wish I had good news for you, but I don’t.

(The whole room tenses.)

MY BOSS’S BOSS: Does anyone know what I’m about to tell you?  Has anyone heard from other people?

(Heads are solemnly shaken)

MY BOSS’S BOSS: I want you to know that we have been fighting this as hard as we can, but I received an email about it last week and there’s nothing more we can do.

(Breaths are held)

MY BOSS’S BOSS: I’ve spoken to [HER BOSS] today and she says this has been coming for a while, but it’s still not a nice thing to have to say.

(Eyes remain unblinked)

MY BOSS’S BOSS: I was taken by surprise when I received this email last week, but I held off from telling you until now.

(Teeth are gnashed)

MY BOSS’S BOSS: I thought I would wait until we knew for sure that this was definitely happening.

(Hearts are stopped)

MY BOSS’S BOSS: But now we know that people here are definitely going to be affected by this decision and there’s nothing we can do to change it.

(17 people are silently screaming “WHAT???  WHAT IS IT???  WHAT???  TELL US!!!”)

MY BOSS’S BOSS: We’ve been told that…

(Yes???)

MY BOSS’S BOSS: The entire department…

(Aaaagh!  Yes?!?!?!?)

MY BOSS’S BOSS: Everyone here today, without exception, is…

(Tell us!!!!  Just bloody tell us!!!!!!)

MY BOSS’S BOSS: Going to be moved to the other office in King’s Cross.

EVERYONE ELSE IN THE ROOM: Wha-?  Er, wait, is that all???!  Jesus!  Oh, my god, I thought we were being sacked!  We’re not sacked?  We’re not sacked!  Hurrah!

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