Carter Family 1 – 0 Swimming Pool Staff

I took the girls swimming Saturday, to get them out of the house, but also to get me off my fat, Christmas-laden, working-from-home arse.

After 20 seconds in the pool Amber (who is still just five) asks “Are there any floats…?”

ME: No, I don’t think so.

AMBER: I’ll go and ask the man.

This is quite surprising – Millie would never do this, and Amber might have a big mouth at home but she tends to go quiet around people she doesn’t know.  But, we’re talking about Big Float Funtime in the pool, when vast numbers of huge floats come out, which obviously trumps any shyness.

Amber swims off, climbs out of the pool, taps the life-guard on the leg (she only comes up to his thigh), asks him and swims back.

AMBER: He says they’re coming out at two o’clock.

ME: Well, it’s ten to two now, so not long.

AMBER: How long is it?

ME: Ten minutes.


(30 seconds pass)

AMBER: Where are the floats?

ME: They’ll be here soon. Let’s swim down to the deep end, come on.

Halfway to the deep end we swim by the life-guard.  Amber climbs out, asks him again and jumps back in the water.

AMBER: He says five minutes till the floats come out!  Five minutes!

We get to the deep end.  Amber climbs out, walks back to the life-guard, taps him on the leg.

The life-guard admits defeat and goes to get the floats.

BUT he forgets some of the floats – particularly, the “necklaces”.

Amber climbs out of the pool, walks up to the life-guard, taps him on the leg and points to the storage room where the floats are kept.

Life-guard looks at me.  I shrug.  Life-guard goes back to the storage room in disgrace.


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