Taking a hammering

Sigh.

(It’s tempting to leave this post as that: just Sigh, but the writer in me won’t allow it).

The last couple of weeks for me have been a not good time.  I’ve been really down.

No one’s fault; in fact, but for other people I’d be much worse.  Thanks to all the friends whose company has helped keep me sane.  You may not have even noticed I was any different, because whilst out and about I felt almost “normal” again – that was thanks to you.

But alone at home, I’ve been taking a hammering from depression.  It’s come from nowhere and struck hard.

Last night, I completely lost my temper with the girls at bath time.  I asked them please not to get too excited and spill water everywhere.

20 minutes later, there’s water everywhere.

Things got worse when I told them how cross I was about this, told them to have a wash and get straight out…and Amber ignored me.

I was loud, nasty and rough; she was washed and out of the bath in 45 seconds.  I dumped her on the floor with orders to get to her room and dry herself.

I was absolutely furious.  It scares me just thinking about it now – that’s exactly not the kind of parent I wanted to be.

I was glad when, this morning, Millie asked to climb into bed with me for a cuddle, and Amber seemed to have forgotten the whole thing.

But I hadn’t.

Maybe it’s the whole working-from-home thing?  I’m still enjoying my job with Fotolia, but WFH has been sending me a bit crazy – hence the determined attempts to get out, to see people, and to do a lot of swimming (every other day for two months now!)

And it’s not because of Trev.  I miss him still, of course, but not noticeably more than, say, last month.

It’s really rather inexplicable.

Writing this entry is hard work, but blogging has helped in the past.  Writing forces you to think about things, to put words to swirling feelings, and to confront them.  And confronting a problem is the first step towards fixing it.

So, let’s get fixing, shall we?  Let’s get undepressed.