The legend of our flooring…!

You guys were  lucky, I was on hiatus when the whole flooring saga began back in November 2014, but at least you’re here now, when it may – at last – be nearing its’ denouement!

Our kitchen and dining floor sucked and – hey, wait – come back!  It’s not quite as dull as it sounds…

Anyway, our kitchen and dining room flooring sucks, and in October, following a small windfall, we decided to get it replaced. The adequate kitchen lino was there when we moved here back in 2008. The carpet was replaced back in 2013, when my brother’s in-laws gave some second-hand carpet and my Dad cut and laid it for us.

But…the carpet had not fared well in the dining room, what with dropped food, spilled drinks and a dangerous proximity to the back-door and muddy boots.

We decided to get it done properly and booked CarpetRight to fit us a lovely new wood floor across the entire kitchen and dining room.  They quoted, we agreed; they set a date, we agreed; at the last minute they rang to say they couldn’t come. We sighed. They apologised and gave us a different date.

One guy turned up. Fortunately, he was a very nice guy. Unfortunately, after about 40 minutes he called me downstairs and pointed at a nondescript patch of floor in the kitchen.

Damp, he said. Might break your new flooring, he said.

Might? I asked, Or will?

Can’t say, he said.

What would you recommend, I said.

It might be fine, he said.

Oh, OK, I said.

But might not.

Do it anyway, I said.

Five minutes later he called me down again and pointed an even more nondescript patch in the dining room.

More damp, he said.

Might break your new flooring, he said.

Might? I asked, Or will?

Can’t say, he said.

I signed. What would you recommend?

Might be fine… he said.

Yes…? I said.

But might not.

Do it anyway, I said.

Five minutes later, another call from downstairs.


More damp, he said, pointing at the back door. Bad damp. It’ll kill your new flooring inside six months.

What would you recommend, I said.

Needs fixing, he said.

Can you fix it, I said.

No, he said.

Do you know someone who can fix it, I said.

No, he said.

Right, I said.

And so we spent the next three months trying to get just three or four companies to come and look at our damp problem. We eventually managed to persuade three companies to come and give us a quote, which gave us three different explanations, three wildly different prices and three ways to fix it.

In the end, we went with the most expensive – almost three times the price of the simple nice flooring we wanted in our kitchen dining room – because their explanation seemed the most believable, their price the least likely to vary, and their fix sounded most permanent.

Their guy has been here today, seems not-at-all-dodgy and appears to know what he’s talking about. The Lovely Melanie remains convinced they’ll find an unexploded WWII bomb under our dining room (or something equally annoying and expensive to fix) but right now, it seems we might finally have our long-awaited new floor by the weekend.

I hope we do, because it’s Amber’s seventh birthday party on Saturday, and we wouldn’t want that to be spoiled by the kitchen and dining room being off limits, would we?


  1. Not that I wish you to lose more followers, but what did they diagnose in the end? Where was it coming from and how did they fix it?

    We don’t have damp right now (I hope) but have lived somewhere it was a problem and needed to pay to get it rectified as part of the house sale. I have a bit of a secret appreciation for the diagnosis and treatment but not the effing damp itself. 🙂


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