As regular readers may remember, I asked to be put on antidepressants following my brother’s sudden death in 2011. This was after counselling didn’t really help and on the advice of lots of friends and family.
18 months later I came off them, but later went back when I wasn’t coping particularly well.
October 2014 I felt well enough to start coming off them once again, slowly reducing my (already very low) dose; and just before New Year’s I finished my last packet, feeling reasonably confident that I would be OK.
January was not a good month for me, not a good month at all; but I persevered.
February couldn’t have been any worse than January, and I did feel better. Mostly.
What’s been difficult since is the sudden change of moods – and not just for me, but for my nearest and dearest, who can never be quite sure how I’m going to react to, well, anything really.
It’s not easy for them – it’s not easy for me either, but they’re the ones on the sharp end.
Anyway, the main problem is how unpredictable my moods can be. Sometimes I feel just about back to my old self: tolerant, laid back and ready to face the future. Other times – particularly on Saturdays for some reason – I struggle to stop myself snapping at the slightest perceived slight.
I read an article the other day stating something supremely obvious that I’d somehow forgotten over the last few years, which is that children don’t want lavish gifts and money, what they want is your love and attention.
We don’t have an awful lot of the former, but it struck me that even some of the latter had gone missing in action (the attention part, not the love). It struck me because I played Mr Potato-Head with Amber Sunday morning, and realised I hadn’t done this in a long time, just sat and played with her.
I realised how important it really was when she came back to me twice in the afternoon asking to play Mr Potato-Head again. Nothing else, just play a silly Mr Potato-Head game with her with silly voices and a little bit of imagination and laughter.
And I was embarrassed to ask myself: How did you forget something so simple?