In which I hire an accountant over the ‘phone.
Accountant: Hello, Mr…Carter? I understand you need an accountant?
Me: I need an accountant, I think. Probably. Do I? Maybe. Yes.
Accountant: Sounds like you do, Mr Carter. Now, what’s the name of your company?
Me: What? What company?
Accountant: No problem, we can set up a limited company for you. Now, how do you normally bill clients?
Me: Eh? I have a Word doc… I email it to them, they send me the monies.
Accountant: OK, no problem. And who is your business bank account with?
Me: Er…that would be the bank of me.
Accountant: Don’t worry, we can set that up, too. And do you have insurance?
Me: Do I need insurance? What for? Insurance??
Accountant: It’s not essential, no. So, what would you like to call your new company?
Me: Well, I, er, um, well, that is…er…er…er… Carter Copy?
Accountant: Carter Copy?
Me: I’m a copywriter.
Accountant: I see. OK. And Mr Carter, do you honestly think you’re competent to set up and run your own business, given that you’re responsible for the welfare of two young children and supporting a wife who loves and trusts you to do the right thing, and that you could drag that entire lovely family into the sort of penury and disaster you normally only see in a Dickens’ novel?
Me: Um, can I has the monies now, plz?
Accountant: Good luck, Mr Carter! I hope everything goes well.